I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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