Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
