I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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