everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
