I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
