nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
