I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
We left an ass print on the piano.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
