i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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