There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize
