I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
