Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize