So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize