Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
