Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
