My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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