Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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