Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
