How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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