My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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