I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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