Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
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I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
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We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
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