I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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