hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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