I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
