My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
