Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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