it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
