I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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