hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
