running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
