did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Randomize
