My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
