You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
