it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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