I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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