At least make sure they are 18
Why
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
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