I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
