If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
