just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
