I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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