Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
