You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
