I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
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I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
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Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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