I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
