So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
