New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
