I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
