just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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