dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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