So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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