Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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