So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
