my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
