I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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