did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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