also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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