Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
